


Thank You for Restoring my Faith in Love

by Counterattack



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Blood and Torture, Character Death, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-21
Updated: 2016-08-22
Packaged: 2018-08-10 04:19:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 15,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7830190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Counterattack/pseuds/Counterattack
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kyungsoo was trapped. With no life to return to and his path to reincarnation blocked by hatred, he wandered by the riverside with cold, empty eyes. Baekhyun was blessed with the ability to communicate with spirits and despite of instinctive fear towards the dead, compassion made him reach out to Kyungsoo. 72 hours. That was how long Baekhyun had to save Kyungsoo’s soul from corruption. Difficult? Yes. But nothing is impossible, as long as you are willing to have some faith and pay the right price.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Rewind

Moonlight flooded in through the slit in the drawn shades, casting its silvery glow across the room. Pale light from the silted curtains fell gently over the small, sprawled out figure on the bed, like a goodnight kiss. Instead of being comforted, however, Baekhyun’s anxiety only worsened. Though weak in intensity, the moon’s glimmer was enough to pull the room from complete darkness, making the empty space beside Baekhyun harder to ignore.

This wasn’t the first time Chanyeol went on a business trip and Baekhyun had never considered himself to be the clingy type, but something was different about tonight. Perhaps it was because Yeol always ringed in after his plane landed – which was six hours ago – and never failed to call before midnight to say sleep well.

He looked once again at the cell phone on the nightstand. Its silence was grating.

Clicking the remote control, Baekhyun scanned quickly through the channels and settled on some pointless game show that soothed his nerves with the noises it produced. He forced his eyes to focus on the screen, yet the worry still clawed at the back of his head. His usual calm was slipping as a carousel of negative thoughts, each more terrifying than the last, rushed through his mind. Vivid imagination of an artist was both his most prized gift and his worst enemy. Baekhyun’s mind weaved a scene full of pain and chaos, women and children screaming as they searched debris for their loved ones. He saw Chanyeol under a pile of metal and glass, coated in a layer of dust and blood.

_Stop it, he’s fine._

He turned off the television and directed his attention out the window, hoping the beauty of night sky would relax him. He supposed it couldn’t be helped, this anxiousness. It was simply something that came with love. The more you cared about someone, the more they became a part of you. You felt happier when they smiled and when they suffered you shared their pain. After knowing each other for ten years and being married for two, one would have thought these two happy idiots would have gotten over the honeymoon stage already, but no. Every kiss still felt new and their smiles exchanged secret messages no one else could understand. Sure, they’d fight, but neither of them truly feared because they knew before the night fall they’d make up.

This felt like the sort of love that only belonged in stories, fantasies created to heal broken hearts. So truly, they were blessed. And this was a happiness Baekhyun did not know how to proper explain or share.

Night breeze stirred, sweeping back the dark bangs that was partially obscuring his vision. The river looked different during the night, its water appeared inky black instead of the usual fragile eggshell blue. It flowed effortlessly, circling around the rounded stones with lazy grace. Baekhyun sighed, resting his forehead against the side of the window as he took in all the natural beauty that no photograph could ever do justice.

Chanyeol’s parents bought this piece of land and Baekhyun’s parents designed the perfect cottage to place on it. Sitting right beside the river, the cozy little dwelling had a gorgeous wood burning stove and the most beautiful garden. It was honestly the best wedding present anyone could ask for and it was a symbol of their parents’ approval and support of their relationship. They spent five weeks here every summer – it was a routine to show their appreciation. It was a great arrangement, other than the fact it’s a bit lonely around here. They didn’t have many neighbors, as one might have expected, and whenever someone did show up, it was usually an elderly couple looking for peaceful companionship this couple wasn’t quite capable of offering.

Wait. What was that?

Baekhyun sat a little straighter, eyes trained on a figure that had appeared in the middle of the river. A young man stood where there had only been calm water just moments ago. His skin was so pale that it was almost translucent under the moonlight and his eyes were dark but hollow, with a mournful loneliness that Baekhyun had only twice before seen. Goosebumps rose on Baekhyun’s arms, yet he couldn’t really look away. He knew exactly what the young man was from the moment he saw the hazy silvery-blue glow circling the other’s form.

Ever since he was a child he had the ability to see ghosts, only most of his encounters with the dead were from before the age of three and he couldn’t remember them. The two incidences that he did actually commit to memory were both resolved peacefully. One was of a mother worrying about her child and the other was an elderly man who did not receive a proper burial. With a little money and devotion of time, Baekhyun was able to coax both spirits to move on without needing specialist’s intervention.

The spirit in the river, however, was different from those he met before.  This ghost was angry. Neither his stance nor expression suggested it, yet Baekhyun felt it radiating off of him. Such an abundance of it, too, mixed in with a generous hit of hatred, it was circulating in the ghost’s system like contaminated blood.

Not all ghosts were peaceful, a shaman once told him, especially the ones with a grudge. Hatred and anger had a way of tainting the soul and even the kindest heart had no way of resisting it forever. Spirits consumed by thoughts of vengeance became corrupted spirits full of negative energy. They’d be beyond rescuing and must be destroyed in order to preserve everyone else’s safety.  Baekhyun was told to stay away from dangerous spirits like that. If he felt sympathetic, he should call in a professional and not risk himself by trying to handle the case on his own.

That said, this one wasn’t quite corrupted. _Not yet_. Though the darkness swirled around him, his core was still untainted. He wasn’t past the point of no return and Baekhyun might still be able to help him move on, just as he did with the two before him.

“Hey!” He called out before logic could kick in and stop him. When the ghost did not react in any way, Baekhyun decided to go against his instincts and run downstairs. In his pajamas he rushed out of the door, bare feet greeting the grass as he moved towards the riverside. Once again he spoke his greeting, and this time, the ghost turned.

“You can see me?” The ghost drifted closer, eyes narrowing in suspicion as he examined Baekhyun’s disheveled state. “If you are here to get rid of me for good, you are three days too early.” Then again, this person didn’t look like a shaman. If he was, then he was a very poorly equipped one.

Baekhyun shook his head no in response. “I came to see if you wanted to talk.”

“To talk.” The ghost echoed, voice a pitch quieter than before as he began drifting back towards the center of the river.

He was losing interest and that much Baekhyun could tell without any further hints. After everything ghosts have been through, most of them weren’t too interested in making small talk with the living. Before the other float away or disappear, he added something more. “Wait, don’t leave. I want to help you…You know, with finding peace.”

The ghost did not look particularly pleased to hear the offer, but at least he was no longer moving away from Baekhyun. “In that case,” he said. “You are too late. I only have three days left.”

Something about those words touched Baekhyun’s heart. Perhaps it was the way the ghost said them so calmly, as if the thought of turning into a corrupted spirit who would no longer be capable of controlling his actions did not worry him in the least. It was acceptance – A form of resignation and an indication of defeat.

“It is enough.” Baekhyun stepped forward, his words laced with the confidence he did not truly have. “Three days. 72 hours. I will try my best to help you find your salvation.”

“And how are you going to do that?”

Actually, Baekhyun had no idea, but he had always been good at thinking on the go. “What’s keeping you in this world?” That was a solid point to start this conversation. “Maybe you can talk about that.” Venting was a great way of getting anger off of the chests of the living, and there was no reason why it shouldn’t work on the dead. “I will be here for you the entire time and listen.”

The other directed his eyes towards the surface of the river, neither agreeing nor protesting this suggestion. Baekhyun took that a sign that he needed some prompting. “Are you looking for something? How did you die? Are you…Angry over how you died?” No response once again. The ghost frowned as if the questions confused him. Baekhyun switched angle. He was likely asking questions that were too difficult. With these conversations, perhaps he should start simpler?

“What’s your name?”

Silence engulfed the question as the ghost failed to reply for the longest time. Baekhyun stayed in his place, waiting. He made a promise to help this spirit and it would not do to falter at the first sign of struggle.

Long seconds ticked past. Heavy minutes soon followed. The next round of night breeze had Baekhyun shivering before he finally heard the word, softer than wind’s whisper.

“Kyungsoo.” The ghost’s eyes remained on the river, but his words were for Baekhyun. “My name is Kyungsoo.”

xxx

“Nice to see you again, Kyungsoo.”

This man had persistence, that much he was willing to give him. It’s been two months now and this man came every day at seven-thirty, right at the start of Kyungsoo’s shift. Rain or shine, this person’s appearance was more reliable and punctual than the scheduled buses. This wouldn’t be the first customer to hit on Kyungsoo at this coffee shop and it also wouldn’t be the first time Kyungsoo completely ignored all advances. He wasn’t being shy or playing hard to get, simply tired of people and their desires.

Ironic, isn’t it, to be working in an environment like this when he despised socializing with strangers?  Unfortunately he needed the money, since he received only partial instead of full scholarship this semester. For Kyungsoo, family drama had an inverse relationship with his academic success. He looked like the type to be remaining calm under all circumstances, but appearances could be deceiving – Kyungsoo was capable of being riled up emotional, but only over the people he truly cared about.

Kyungsoo pushed the paper cup across the counter without a single word, by now, having learned exactly how their most consistent customer liked his daily brew.

The man took his coffee with a smile. He didn’t look offended by Kyungsoo’s lack of response nor did he push for a conversation. There was a gentleness about him that made him less irritating than the others that wanted his attention. Maybe that was why when he left, Kyungsoo actually raised his head and watched him go.

Several coins sat on the counter where the paper cup had been, forming a neat stack of shiny silver. Underneath them was a card with a name and a phone number. Just another part of their usual routine. Only this time, Kyungsoo broke the pattern. Instead of sending the card straight to the garbage bin, he picked it up. He ran his thumb over the row of numbers, feeling the smooth texture of the card. Then he read the name he saw out loud.

“Kim Jongin.”

xxx

Baekhyun was bright eyed and clearly listening with interest when Kyungsoo’s voice suddenly halted. “What’s wrong?” He inquired, wanting the other to continue the story. It sounded like the beginning of a sweet romance. “Do you…Not remember what happened after?” That was a common occurrence among the ghosts. Many spirits, particularly those who had died of head injuries, lost most of their memories. With parts of themselves missing, those spirits usually became restless as they searched for their identities.

“He is the only one I remember from my past,” said Kyungsoo. “Why?” He turned around and asked, clearly expecting Baekhyun to have an answer.

“He is probably _very_ important to you.” Baekhyun paused, thoughts drifting back to the story he was just told. He smiled, not quite teasingly but in that general direction. To be honest, how Kyungsoo and Jongin met reminded Baekhyun of his first meeting with Chanyeol. It was also in a coffee shop, also involved a phone number and a name sliding across the counter. Only they were both awkward teenagers and the number was hastily scrawled on an unused napkin. And unlike Kyungsoo, Baekhyun didn’t make Chanyeol chase for two months. He texted the number the very night he was given it and found out that the two of them were actually in the same high school, only different years. Two days later, they had their first date in the school library. They sneaked behind the last row of shelves and kissed there. Baekhyun suspected the librarian saw them despite of their attempt at discretion but turned a blind eye because she was in a generous mood.

He was even more determined to help Kyungsoo now that he heard the cute coffee shop encounter that echoed his own past. Humans were naturally drawn to those they could relate to, they couldn’t help it.

Kyungsoo considered Baekhyun’s words for a second before responding. “I think you are right.”

Baekhyun shouted an inward ‘yes’, pleased that he was able to guess it right on the first try. 

“He is important.” Kyungsoo added absently. “Because he is the one who killed me.”

Baekhyun’s smile died a little on his lips.

xxx

Two missed calls and four unread messages, all from Chanyeol. Relief flooded his chest as he dialed back on autopilot.

It was morning and streaks of orange colored the sky. The sun’s warmth seeped in from the open window, but Baekhyun could not feel any of it. There was a reason why psychiatrists often became patients themselves after years of shouldering other people’s burdens. The story he heard last night sat heavily on his chest, not because of any details in the tale itself, but for the realization that it did not have a happy ending.

“I am sorry I called back so late!” Chanyeol’s voice lured him back from his reveries with its familiar brightness.

“It’s fine. I am just happy you are alright.” Baekhyun struggled to inject some of the relief and happiness he felt hearing from his husband into his voice, but it just came out flat.

“You are really pissed, aren’t you?” Chanyeol took Baekhyun’s quietness as a sign that he was in serious trouble. They were one of those vocal couples and their fights were usually full of raised voices and angry demands. Baekhyun only became very quiet and calm if he’d hit the point of full on rage. That was when Chanyeol needed to reconsider the need to continue the argument and whether or not it’d be wiser to just retreat from battle.  His baby was a real cutie on ordinary days, but when he was livid, teeth _and_ claws came out. It was quite a terrifying – but also incredibly sexy – sight.

“Do I have to _beg_ for forgiveness, baby?” Chanyeol’s voice dipped into a low rumble as he pressed his lips closer to the phone.

Color rose and splashed Baekhyun’s pale cheeks. It should be early afternoon where Chanyeol was and his meeting should not be finished. How dare he start _this_ when he was supposed to be putting on his best responsible business man act?

“I can if you want. _On my knees_.” It was as if Yeol was whispering those words right against his ears. Baekhyun closed his eyes and leaned back, letting his head rest against the headboard of his bed.

“Step back against the wall, Baek, I can show you how sorry I am.”

Baekhyun’s hand crept under the blanket discreetly as he mumbled Chanyeol’s name into the mic.

“Are you going to let me?”

He imagined Chanyeol’s lips there instead of his own fingers. Teeth dragging over the sensitive regions instead of nails. “Yes.” Baekhyun whispered, hearing Chanyeol’s exhale on the other side of the phone. He thought he felt it, that gust of warm air against him, fueling his lust like gasoline over open fire.

“I can’t hear you, Baek.” Chanyeol’s voice was becoming a bit restrained as well. “Louder.”

“I said yes. Yes!” He pumped faster, harder. “I’ll let you do anything to me–” He turned the phone on speaker and dropped it by his pillow.  Scooting lower so the mic was right next to his mouth, Baekhyun gave himself a squeeze and moaned, head sinking back against the pillow as Chanyeol’s low hiss brushed past his ear.

The heaviness in his chest was vanishing…Melted away by Chanyeol’s words, his love and the low grunts that sent Baekhyun’s heart in arrhythmia.

He counterattacked, not wanting to be the only one unraveling.

Baekhyun twisted in the bed, letting the phone capture the rustle of sheets, the creak of mattress and every whimper and moan that escaped from his lips.  

In the end, it was a battle that concluded with a tie. They came around the same time, breathless, alone yet feeling content as if they had been in each other’s arms. “Come home, Yeol.” Baekhyun yearned into the phone cradled at the crook of his neck, not really caring if he was leaving disgustingly sticky finger marks everywhere at this point.

“72 hours,” Chanyeol promised. “I will be by your side in three days.” Then he kissed Baek through the phone and let his lover drift to dreamland and embrace his much needed rest. 

Baekhyun rolled over in his bed content. It was brilliant how…Ahem – _a simple phone conversation_ with your beloved could make all the problems disappear. With the stone against his chest lifted, he was ready for another night of conversation with the ghost, ready for more of Kyungsoo’s story.

xxx

Fate was finicky, unreliable at the best and cruel at the worst.

Kim Jongin was everywhere. They bump into each other in the mall, in restaurants, sometimes even on the bus or by the streets. Kyungsoo would have suspected he was a stalker if it wasn’t for the fact the man never lingered. The other always left as quickly as he appeared, with a smile or a wave, some simple greeting that both acknowledged Kyungsoo’s presence but did not feel invasive.

It was just coincidence, Kyungsoo thought to himself each time.

There was strength in number. An accumulation of these coincidences made Kyungsoo lower his guard. He became used to Kim Jongin and started returning the waves and smiles. He took to making the man’s coffee just a minute or two before the other arrived, just to save time. One time, the man didn’t show up at seven-thirty as usual and the coffee made for him sat cold on the counter. Kyungsoo glanced at the clock. Half an hour past.

He looked at the clock again when it was nine. And once more at ten thirty.

“Why didn’t you come yesterday?” Kyungsoo couldn’t resist asking the next day when the man called Kim Jongin arrived. The question came out a little hard, like an accusation he had no right of making. Kyungsoo realized his tone and immediately apologized. Jongin, however, was the opposite of angry.

“So you _can_ talk.” The man flashed a smile too bright for Kyungsoo’s world. The smaller male looked away in response, blushing with a mixture of embarrassment and something else.

That was their first conversation.

From that point on, Kyungsoo started talking. Their chats started simple, just small ones mostly focused on Kyungsoo. He was asked basic questions regarding his family or school, and then slowly the conversations grew in length and depth. Friendship developed and expanded until one day; he felt brave enough to show Jongin his paintings – his one true passion in life. He let a little splash of pride taint his soul when he was showered by praises, a first sin that opened the door for many more to follow.

“Do you only draw plants and animals?” Jongin asked one day, when the coffee shop was relatively empty and Kyungsoo felt no pressure to work fast.

“I’ve drawn people. Once or twice.” Kyungsoo had always been called a smart kid and perceptive beyond his age. He knew exactly where this conversation was going but didn’t change the topic. “They didn’t turn out very well.”

“Want to try again?” Jongin grinned, eyes curving into cheerful crescents of the moon.

To this day, Kyungsoo remembered every detail about Jongin’s expression that day. He was so handsome, so inviting. Kyungsoo could deny it all he wants, but his heart did beat a little faster in that very moment. He had never felt anything like that for any other person. He didn’t know what it was and told himself it wasn’t love, but when Jongin’s fingers curled around his as he paid for his coffee that day, Kyungsoo didn’t pull away. They were venturing into foreign grounds and Kyungsoo usually didn’t like new things. He decided it wouldn’t hurt to give it a try, though. It never worked out with anyone else, but Jongin felt special.

 

On the following Saturday, the two of them agreed to meet. Jongin offered to drive but Kyungsoo shook his head no. He had a very specific place he wanted to go for this painting and only trusted his own driving to get around those curvy roads. Jongin agreed easy enough and promised to take care of bringing snacks and a light lunch.

“I thought you were bringing a _light_ lunch,” Kyungsoo commented as Jongin attempted to stuff an oversized backpack into the trunk.  There was surely enough food to feed a small army of people in that bag and they were both past the age of eating with abandon.

“I didn’t know what you liked, so I brought a little of everything.” Jongin’s smile turned sheepish as he rubbed the back of his head. It was such a childish gesture and on a grown man, it looked ridiculous. But Kyungsoo’s heart warmed a little more at the sight of it.

The day ended up becoming less about painting and more about picnicking. Jongin had an appetite that truly impressed Kyungsoo. Half of the backpack was emptied before lunch time and though Kyungsoo definitely had his fill, his companion still ate twice as much as he did.

“You got something on your lips.” Kyungsoo pointed. “Right there.”

Jongin wiped at himself, trying his best to follow Kyungsoo’s instructions but failing.

“Here, I’ll get it.” Kyungsoo scooted over, touching his thumb to the corner of Jongin’s lips where the crumb was sticking to with stubbornness. The crumb was gone but Kyungsoo’s hand remained a few seconds longer.

Jongin looked up, not smiling like he had been all day. Something changed in his expression. In those dark eyes, a wanting and a yearning was buried, both things Kyungsoo hated seeing in other people’s eyes when they looked at him. Yet seeing them in Jongin didn’t make him uncomfortable. This was another sign that Jongin was special.  

An arm slowly wrapped itself around Kyungsoo’s waist, tightening until their bodies were pressed together. Kyungsoo’s breathing quickened as Jongin’s lips moved under his fingers. Their eyes remained locked as kisses fell over his finger tips and knuckles, then onto his palm. Kyungsoo felt his skin tingling, a strange sensation he was growing to like.

“I like you.” Jongin was pushing him down against the grass, gently. “Do you like me, Kyungsoo?”

His hand fell from Jongin’s face, trembling fingers clutching at the patch of cool grass underneath as if that will somehow prevent the heat from rising in the pit of his stomach. Kyungsoo heard his heart pounding wildly, threatening to free itself from the confines of his ribcage.

He had an answer.

Jongin knew he did.

They were both waiting for him so say it, so eventually, he did.

 “Yes.”

_Love was a lock._

“I like you.”

_That caged him in._

“Kiss me, Jongin.”

_There was no key. Not even hatred was able to break him free._

Their lips met in a fierce, ravenous kiss. Kyungsoo’s fingers laced in Jongin’s hair as he struggled to keep up with the other’s pace. They felt it, that common thread of emotion, the truth that bound them together. They kissed until they were breathless, kissed until they were dizzy.

By the most beautiful river, under the eyes of the sun and sky, Kyungsoo gave himself to the first man he loved.

It was perfect, like the first dose of heroin.

xxx

“You painted?” Baekhyun asked. His brows were knotted in a frown, indicating the answer to this question was important.

Kyungsoo was still lost in his own fragmented memories, but he gathered his attention enough to utter a quick ‘yes’.

Baek lowered his eyes, running his hand over the calm surface of the river. More parallels. He was also an artist. Instead of painting, he preferred pencil sketches. He drew Chanyeol here, by the river. Back then, Chanyeol was still his boyfriend and he put on the dorkiest expression as he posed against the rock.

The connection did not make him more sympathetic towards the ghost this time. Instead, it disturbed him.

“Are you alright?” Kyungsoo’s voice rang out right next to his ear and Baekhyun nearly jumped in response.

“Yes, I am fine. Carry on with your story. I am here to listen.” Baekhyun smiled brightly, but his nervousness still showed through how he twiddled with his wedding ring.

Kyungsoo caught the movement and focused his eyes on the beautiful silver band.

“You are married?”

This was the first time the ghost asked about Baekhyun’s life.

“Yes, I have a husband. His name is Chanyeol. Park Chanyeol.” This change of topic soothed Baek somewhat. Talking about loved ones usually did that to people.

Kyungsoo reached out, palm up. It took Baekhyun a moment to realize what the ghost wanted before hesitantly returning the gesture. He had expected his hand to go right through the ghost’s, but that didn’t happen. Instead, he found his hand resting against the translucent palm without trouble, his ring shimmering even more brilliantly than before.

“He was married too.” Kyungsoo dropped Baekhyun’s hand and turned away. “Jongin. He didn’t tell me for a whole year.”

xxx

 The woman was small and pale. She was well dressed and neatly made up, but no amount foundation in the world could erase the dark circles under her eyes completely.

Kyungsoo poured tea for both of them and took the seat opposite her. His palms were sweaty and her hands were trembling. They were both nervous at the sight of each other. Then again, how else were you supposed to feel in a situation like this?

“His name is Kai, my husband.” She took a sip of the tea, the warm liquid bringing some color back to her lips. “You know him as Jongin.”

A stack of photos were passed across the table and familiar eyes stared back. It was him alright, smiling with the same irresistible charm as he did the first day they met.

Kyungsoo shook his head as he pushed the photos away, his mind felt like a mess. He didn’t want to believe it, yet the truth was there right in front of him. The logical part of him already accepted what the emotional part of him wouldn’t. If something seemed too good to be true, it likely was, and he was a fool for ever thinking otherwise. “I am sorry,” he said, eyes shutting against the waves of pain squeezing his heart.

“I am not here to make you apologize.” The woman’s voice was surprisingly calm. In fact, she had been behaving quite professionally this entire time, unlike the enraged wife she should be. “I am not here to tell you to just leave my husband either. You need to do more than that – I am telling you to _run_.”

There was a pause as Kyungsoo tried to wrap his head around the situation. He had witnessed infidelity confrontations first hand before, and this wasn’t how they usually went down. He was clearly still missing a piece and only this woman, who was his supposed rival in love, had the answer.

Stagnant silence stretched between them, lasting several long seconds before the woman finally sighed. To Kyungsoo’s surprise, she started unzipping her coat. Dropping down layer after layer, the woman did not stop until she was in a thin long sleeved shirt. She pushed up the sleeves one by one, wincing as she did. What she revealed was bruises in varying shades of green and black, cuts that were between the different stages of healing. One long cut that went from the woman’s wrist to her elbow was fresh, still oozing blood as she twisted her arms to better display her wounds.

“Jongin is not his real name. Neither is Kai.” The woman pushed her arms closer to Kyungsoo, not letting him shrink away from their horror. “I don’t think even he knows what his real name is anymore.”

 “He is insane. You have to believe me, Kyungsoo. He is fucking nuts!”

Her words cut more than her scars.

“He doesn’t love you. Not really. And he doesn’t love me either.”

He wanted to protest, but the single droplet of blood trailing down her pale skin hushed him.

“This is a game to him and he always wins.”

An envelope was pressed into Kyungsoo’s hands and he opened it under her expectant eyes. There were photographs and news article clippings. Maps and illustrations and diary entries. There was even a small tape recorder tucked at the corner, waiting to be listened to. Kyungsoo flipped through the woman’s offering absently, still feeling numb from the shock. His hand paused on one of the pictures. It was marked ‘1’ with a blue marker and featured a round faced boy with dark hair and eyes. The boy was smiling, a beautifully crafted ring shining from his middle finger.

Kyungsoo’s hand flew to his chest, where he could feel Jongin’s latest gift to him pressing against his skin.

_“Isn’t it weird, wearing a ring like this?” He demanded as his boyfriend did the clasps of the thin silver chain for him._

_“It looks good on you. Here, have a look.” Jongin pulled him towards the mirror and held the necklace up for closer examination._

_Kyungsoo squinted, trying to absorb all of the ring’s fine details. It really was beautiful._

He felt sick as he flipped the picture around, wanting to continue no longer.

The woman wasn’t having it. She took the envelope from him and rooted around, pulling out a newspaper article and waved it in front of his face. The news article displayed two different images. One was a photograph of the boy with the ring from earlier and one of a mangled, bloody hand missing all of its fingers.

“That was his first. I am his fifth. Do you want to be number six?”

Kyungsoo’s hands went to his ears in an immature gesture of defense. He squeezed his eyes shut; wishing that he could unhear everything he just did in the past thirty minutes. He told himself the woman was deranged and the ring was a coincidence.

_…Just as all of the times they ran into each other were coincidences._

 “Why don’t you expose him?” Kyungsoo found his voice. “You have all of this information. You can go to the police. You can get away from him!”

The woman smiled faintly and what was left of her former beauty shone through. “It’s too late. I can’t leave him anymore. I am in too deep, Kyungsoo. I need him like I need air and sunlight. Even if he hurts me…Even if he kills me.” There was a dark determination in that last sentence that chilled Kyungsoo to the bones. “You run, while you still have a chance.”

So he did.

Or at least, _tried to_.


	2. Reversed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Derp I accidentally only posted one chapter instead of all three last night.

There was little holding him back. His parents were both out of the town, having fled to live out their dreams in different cities after their divorce. He quit his work at the coffee place and changed his courses for next semester to online. He started packing his bags, stuffing his belongings into suitcases as neatly but quickly as possible. His head was still a mess and his heart was still bleeding from the truth, but his hands continued moving. They had to. He had to.

A part of him wanted to see Jongin, tell him everything that had happened tonight and let his boyfriend’s gentle voice reassure him. He wanted to make the other promise, over and over that he loved him. That he loved no one else and everything he saw and heard today was but a web of lies out of jealousy and spite.

Because now, _even_ now, a part of him clung to hope. That part of him still had faith in Jongin, and in the love that they had towards each other.

But the other part of him knew if he did that, he’d just be deluding himself.

So focused on his packing, he almost did not hear those footsteps coming closer. He almost missed the shadow hovering over his head. Thankfully, his natural reflexes were far more dependable than he expected. He wheeled around, ducking away from Jongin before the other could wrap his arms around his waist in their usual greeting. His eyes were hard as he stepped back into the living room, carefully circling around his entire load of half packed luggage. Kyungsoo could not afford to stumble right now – his feet must remain as steady as his resolve.

“Kyungsoo, what’s wrong?” Such an innocent question, delivered with such deceptive gentleness. Kyungsoo might have bought it, if he hadn’t managed to spot the glint of metal the other held behind his back.

He continued retreating in silence, slowly. Jongin matched his pace, carefully marching forward so the gap of distance between them remained a meter. It was as if they were partners locked in the dance competition of their lives. Adrenaline pumping, hearts pounding, they followed the rhythm perfectly. Yet this competition was not about money or fame. Something far more precious was on the line for them both – freedom.

Kyungsoo was at a severe disadvantage, but his friend Sehun’s car was going to be here in less than ten minutes to pick him up. Help was on the way and all he had to do was to stall for time. His only advantage was the fact Jongin did not know that someone was coming. He should be able to do this, as long as he stayed calm, collected and did not let emotions get in the way anymore than they already did.

He would not put Sehun at risk over this either, by making him engage in physical confrontation. As soon as the doorbell rang and Jongin was briefly distracted by the unexpected visitor, Kyungsoo shall make his move.

Now, how would he bait this man into a chat in these extreme circumstances?

Judging by the knife Jongin had tucked behind his back, he already knew what happened. Kyungsoo would have been concerned for the poor wife and what might have happened to her now that their conversation was discovered, except his mind was too preoccupied over fighting for his own life. Humans were selfish creatures and self-preservation came more naturally to the most than altruism. Pretending to be innocent at this point would be useless and angry accusations would only escalate the situation.

“So,” Kyungsoo started, letting his instincts guide him on the direction of their potential final discussion. “Why did you choose me?”

As soon as Kyungsoo stopped moving, so did Jongin.

The two of them paused, for a moment, still as beautiful statues. Their eyes were trained on each other with such intensity that Kyungsoo could see his image reflected from Jongin’s eyes. The sight of himself – pale and trembling lightly – terrified Kyungsoo. Somehow, Jongin’s eyes managed to capture him even better than a mirror, and it forced him to realize just how poorly disguised his fear and pain were. Unable to take anymore, Kyungsoo looked away first, making the mistake of showing weakness.

He broke their locked gaze and in response, Jongin broke the silence.

“I wanted you the first time I saw you in the coffee shop.” Jongin’s arms fell to his sides. He was no longer hiding the knife and instead, allowed its sharp steel edge to shine openly under the ceiling lights. “You were on your break at that time, reading a book behind your busy colleague. The world went on around you in a rushed frenzy and you seemed unaffected by it all.” A smile touched Jongin’s lips, less bright than his usual. This expression was not one of happiness, but reminiscence. “You felt like peace. And that was when I realized, Kyungsoo, that you are _special_ to me...” Jongin’s words pulled Kyungsoo’s reluctant gaze back. “…Just as _I_ am to _you_.”

Those words were impossibly sweet, and despite knowing they were likely lies, Kyungsoo craved for more. Jongin was like the lava, scorching and deadly, yet so warm against Kyungsoo’s naturally cold heart. He was sinking deeper, even as the molten lava threatened to melt the flesh off of his bones.

_Remember the woman and her wounds. Remember her blood._

“The one who was special to me was Jongin.” Kyungsoo stole a glance at the clock, just to check how long he had to continue this for. If Sehun was on time like he usually was, they were looking at four minutes left. 

“Is that what the problem is, baby?” The man he no longer knew chuckled. “Let’s not make this so difficult. Because I like you so much, I’ll let you choose.”

_Three minutes._

“What are you talking about?” Kyungsoo snatched another look at the clock, his body silently tensing in preparation for his attack.

“Jongin or me.” Jongin took a step closer, blocking Kyungsoo’s view of the clock with annoying precision. “Pick one.”

The smaller male only glared, puzzled by this strange choice. It did not take him long to realize what the question was actually asking, however. This man was making him choose between a happy world of delusions or the painful truth. Kyungsoo thought he already made the choice after he met Jongin’s wife, but in this moment, he realized his resolve was still lacking in firmness. After all, note how he continued to identify this man as Jongin, even though his mind knew better than that.

_Two minutes._

He said nothing and instead, let his thoughts drift back to the pictures in the envelope. All those beautiful, smiling young people. Then he remembered the wife, deathly pale and withdrawn, struggling to survive, all for the sake of being able to love him, this psychopathic serial killer she knew would never return her affections. Kyungsoo must not waste the gift she gave him; he must not be so ungrateful as to throw away what she risked her life for.

That was why he must make the different choice than the rest of them, no matter how difficult it was.

“I pick the truth.” Kyungsoo’s hands clenched into fists. Ten minutes had passed and Sehun should be knocking on that door any second now. “I know he is not here. The man I loved” – _and still did_ – “is artificial.” He heard footsteps coming down the hallway to his apartment, confident and steady; they felt like a soothing lullaby and calmed his heart. Those footsteps gave him courage, enough so the pain of admitting he was in love with someone who never existed did not tear him apart. “I won’t let you trap my heart like you did with all the others, _Kai_.”

The other seemed disappointed, but not surprised. He looked down, dark eyes filling with something Kyungsoo couldn’t quite identify. It wasn’t quite sadness, but it was similar. Only darker, far more dangerous and consuming. When Kai raised his head again, he was smiling. This was a predatory smile Kyungsoo had never seen before, full of teeth and savageness. Kyungsoo stood his ground, though he felt himself trembling inside of his skin. He waited for those footsteps to stop in front of his door. He waited for the sound of the doorbell ringing and Sehun’s voice ring out in his salvation.

But those footsteps passed by.

There was a soft sound as a door was unlocked and swung open, _but it wasn’t Kyungsoo’s_.

Just like that, his heart dropped. Despair rushed in, joining in with the pain he could barely suppress earlier. Together, they slithered around his chest, suffocating him with their petty cruelty.

Sehun was just late. Kyungsoo tried to relax himself with rhythmic breathing. Though it didn’t happen often, he did remember his friend showing up five minutes late at that Christmas party three years ago. There might have been traffic on the road or perhaps he had to leave his house late. There _must_ be an explanation and a reason –

The clink of something pulled him from his internal panic.

Kai dangled a string of keys before him, the unsettling smile lighting up his features. The keys were held together by a rainbow colored ring. Several decorative pieces hung from it along with the keys, proudly displaying the owner’s taste for cuteness. One of the decorations was a miniature bubble tea made out of ceramic, carefully drawn and colored, it was a beautiful piece despite of its size. Sehun’s Chinese ex-boyfriend gave him that along with tons of other things for Valentine’s Day and he loved it so much that he took it everywhere, even after they broke up.  

Kyungsoo’s eyes widened as the realization sank in. His lips parted in a silent scream as he made a snatch for those keys.

Kai ducked out of the way smoothly and the knife Kyungsoo had kept his eyes on the entire time was finally brought forth.

The smaller male dodged clumsily from the knife. Once, twice. On the third time he realized that this was too easy. If Kai truly intended to cut him, then his shoulder should be bloody by now. He turned his head just in time to see the syringe in Kai’s other hand. Like any good hunter, Kai had a second weapon. He kept his prey’s eyes on one so he’d be able to catch it by surprise with the other.

As always, Kyungsoo was just a little too late.

“I gave you a choice, Kyungsoo. This is what you wanted.” He heard those words as he felt the prick at the back of his neck.

His world was flooded by darkness and his mind, finally, went peacefully blank.

xxx

The ghost had his back turned to Baekhyun. He seemed relaxed as he floated by the riverside, impossibly calm despite of the horrors he spoke. Baek had his hand over his mouth, struggling to hold back the words of terror and anger. He wanted desperately to rewrite Kyungsoo’s story. He wished he could jump into the past and be the footsteps the other heard and that he could be the savior that never came. More than anything, Baekhyun wanted to grab the ghost’s shoulders and shake him. Tell him he was right for being angry and hateful towards this _monster_ of a man. He wanted to tell him that they will go hunt down this person and bring him to his knees before Justice.

But he forced himself to say nothing. A calm ghost was a safe one and the last thing he wanted was for his own passions to negatively influence Kyungsoo and further fuel the other’s desire for vengeance. Bringing down that Jongin – Kai person shall have to be Baekhyun’s own mission. For now, he just needed to continue listening to Kyungsoo’s story: take a part of the ghost’s fear and panic onto himself, share in his pain and suffering. Then perhaps, in the end, Kyungsoo could leave this world with fewer burdens on his chest.

“I am sorry you went through hell.” In the end, Baekhyun only allowed himself to express his sympathies. He touched Kyungsoo’s hand and gradually laced their fingers when the ghost didn’t protest or shift away. Baekhyun’s eyes turned gentle with gladness, pleased that his gesture of comfort was accepted. He took this as a sign that he was getting somewhere and that Kyungsoo was beginning to trust him more.

“Hell has not started.” The coldness in Kyungsoo’s hand seeped under Baekhyun’s skin and crawled into his bones.

xxx

He blinked groggily, completely disoriented as he awoke. For a moment he had no recollection of what happened or where he was. His vision was blurred and refused to coalesce into focus.

“You are awake?” It was Kai’s voice, decidedly cheerful.

They appeared to be in a car. Kyungsoo’s body flopped forward as they ran over a bump, poorly supported by the seat belt. Kyungsoo felt a haze in his brain and it misted over everything. He felt incredibly relaxed, as if he was in a dream. His head did not feel like it was attached to the rest of his body and even lifting his arms felt like impossible tasks. He wanted to speak, but found out quickly that he could no longer strings words together properly.  

“Kyungsoo? Are you okay?” A voice came from the backseats, belonging to the Sehun who had never showed up at the apartment. “I accidentally showed up early and thought I’d just wait downstairs. Then I saw your boyfriend and…Can you hear me?” There was some shuffling in the back as his friend struggled to move, but after a few minutes, those sounds were silenced and all there’s left was Sehun’s heavy breaths that indicated how hard he tried to shift closer. 

With great difficulty, Kyungsoo leaned his head back. He needed to see Sehun and make sure he was alright, that his life decisions did not drag his friend down to hell with him. Unfortunately, what he saw did nothing to reassure him. Sehun was lying on the backseat, wrists and ankles bond by layers upon layers of duct tape. He also had tape around his waist, just to hold him in place against the backseat.

“Let…Him…” He shook his head, trying to clear the haze enough to form a sentence.

“Shh, baby, don’t try to talk. You’ll distract me from driving.” Kai put a finger against his lips in an attempt to shush the other passengers in the car. “We are almost there.”

“Where?” Sehun asked from the back, asking precisely what Kyungsoo wanted.

Their captor did not answer and instead, continued down the bumpy road. They looked like they were in the middle of nowhere, with no signs around for Kyungsoo to even have a guess. Then again, considering how much drugs that must still be in his system, he doubted signs would have helped.

The rest of the drive remained relatively silent. Sehun focused his attention on getting free from his bonds and Kyungsoo tried to clear up his mind. His friend did better than Kyungsoo, because he was able to sit up by the time the car stopped, having gotten off most of the tape restraining him to the backseat.

The car did not stop smoothly and instead, it was jerked to a sudden halt. Kyungsoo fell forward once again and this time, found it hard to lean back. Luckily, Kai was there to _help him out_. Kyungsoo felt fingers in his hair, twisting harshly as they yanked his head back. A symphony of hammers took up a staccato beat in his head but he couldn’t even gasp in pain through the fogginess of his mind. Lips moved from his jaw line down his throat, tongue flickering over his pounding arteries. “I will be right back.” It was a promise that sounded like a death sentence.

But whose death sentence?

The horror hit them both at once. Sehun pulled and flailed, trying to open the car door on his side with numb fingers and teeth. Kyungsoo grabbed Kai’s hand feebly in silent plea and scrambled to grab another hold when he was shaken off.

“I always thought he was real cute.” Kai patiently peeled Kyungsoo’s fingers off when the other managed to grab him again. “But I couldn’t touch him, because Jongin was a faithful, loving boyfriend. He’d never be with one of your best friends.” He tossed a casual glance at the blond in the back seat, eyes heating up as he enunciated each word. “ _Good thing I don’t have to be Jongin anymore_.”

With that, Kyungsoo was pushed aside. The smaller male’s head fell hard against the car door on his side, the throbbing unpleasant but sharpened up his mind.

“This won’t take long. Just relax.” Kai rolled down Kyungsoo’s side of the car windows, just a little. Fresh air rushed in through the slit, sweet and salty like grass and rain.

The door slammed on Kai’s side and opened on Sehun’s. Kyungsoo couldn’t see, but he heard sounds. He heard knife ripping tape and nails dragging against leather. He heard Kai’s voice, half coaxing, half threatening, as he towed Sehun out of the car.

Kyungsoo closed his eyes and swore to himself he wouldn’t open them again.

Yet even with his eyes shut, he couldn’t really escape from his guilt.

He remembered Sehun’s laughs. So joyous. So full of energy.

Back then, they were all a few years younger. Sehun was the youngest but in their eyes, also the most handsome. The youth experimented a lot with his looks, and managed to even pull off a head full of rainbow colored hair. He was shy and quiet more often than not. Alcohol, however, had a way of opening his mouth and that was how he and his Chinese boyfriend met. The two of them were inseparable, so perfect that even Kyungsoo, whose heart had always been closed off to romance, felt a twinge of envy.

Even when they broke up, Sehun did not speak poorly about his ex-boyfriend. _He fell in love with someone different_. Sehun told Kyungsoo, fiddling with the mini bubble tea figurine on his keychain. He didn’t even know the name of the individual that took away his boyfriend’s affection. He only heard that the guy had a dimple and a smile as sweet as honeyed milk. At least Luhan didn’t cheat on him and told him before anything happened between him and Mr. Dimple. It was fair, except it really wasn’t. Fairness and love were two words that could never be placed in the same group.

 _As long as he is happy, I guess it’s okay_. Sehun tucked his keys back in his pocket and spoke without bitterness. He really did love his ex-boyfriend, enough to let him go without despising him. Enough to still wish him well.

Yes, that was Sehun. Simple

Kind, caring Sehun. Carefree. Innocent…

But now.

 _Make it stop_. Kyungsoo wished he could shut his ears. He wished he had enough strength to bump his head into the car door one more time, this time hard enough to pass out.

There was a dull thud against Kyungsoo’s ear, making him lose his train of thoughts. Sehun’s voice was much closer now and poured in through the slit Kai left earlier. So that was why he did it. In exchange for a few breaths of fresh air he had to listen to this. All of this.

“Please, Jongin! _Why are you doing this?!_ ” Sehun screamed for the fifth time since he was dragged out of the car. His voice slowly turned from panic to outright fear, then from fear to terror.

Kyungsoo shuddered. 

“P-please d-don’t…Oh my god…Oh my god!”

There was the sound of fabric being torn. Buttons fell and tapped against the window on the other side of Kyungsoo. One had managed to fall in through the slit, landing on Kyungsoo lap. Kyungsoo forced his fingers to loosen from the fist they formed and close over the tiny, clear button. He ran his numb digits around the edge of the plastic over and over as if seeking comfort. As if this button would be able to keep insanity from latching on.

Sehun’s screams were no longer loud – they were muffled by kisses that meant to devour, not to love. His entire body shook so violently from the cold and the fear that Kyungsoo thought he could feel it through the door. He hid Sehun’s button in his fist and bit down on his lips until blood was drawn.

He couldn’t ignore the sound of slaps and slashes that rendered his friend from a half-determined fighter to a sobbing mess. He couldn’t ignore the rhythmic thuds against the car door as Sehun’s body was slammed into it. Slower at first, then faster until it came to an abrupt halt. Sehun became quieter, his cries turned into breathless whimpers, leaving only Kai’s voice’s to fill out the silence.

“Are…Are you done?” A quiet voice eventually rang out. “Please be done. _Pleas_ e.”

A new round of screaming began, but this was different screaming.

Kyungsoo felt warm liquid he dared not to identify splashed against his forehead as Sehun’s words turned into choked noises.

 _He’s a demon_. Kyungsoo clutched the button harder, as if this was the only thing he had left in this world and only thing he had left to count on.

I hate him.

_He ripped up the memories of Jongin in the coffee shop._

I hate him.

_He erased their beautiful first date by the river._

I hate him more than anything.

Kyungsoo held on to the wife’s wounds. He held on to Sehun’s agonized whimpers. He let hatred burn in his chest until he felt like he was on fire.

Tears fell, traveling as streams down his cheeks.

The air was no longer fresh – it smelled like bitter like tears. Musty like stolen innocence. And metallic like the loss of a youth’s life.

“I won’t die.” Kyungsoo’s voice was hard with conviction. The haze was still there, but anger gave him strength. _I will make him pay for this. I will get **revenge**._

xxx

Baekhyun was crying, fat tear drops rolling onto the grass underneath his knees.

“What’s the matter?” Kyungsoo asked, running his thumb over the other’s tears. He licked his finger clean but found that he could not taste the saltiness. His senses were dull at best and completely missing at the worst. Being dead did that. “Why are you crying?”

Baekhyun shook his head but otherwise couldn’t bring himself to respond.

Kyungsoo stood there, eyes as icy as they were when they first met. “It’s not as if you were the one suffering?” He waited for the other to stop and became impatient when he didn’t even after an hour. He moved to leave, wanting to return to the river. Wanting to find inside of the calm waters what he had lost. 

Baekhyun stopped him with a tackle. The human wrapped both arms around Kyungsoo and squeezed tight.

“Please.” Kyungsoo heard the other speak. “Move on, you deserve better than to suffer like this. You can find happiness in the next life, I am certain of it. I know you don’t believe in it anymore, but there’s still goodness in this world. There are people that are trustworthy and safe to give your heart to. The search might take a while, but eventually you will find them. All you have to do after you find them is to take a chance and _try_.”

Baekhyun did not know if his words were having any sort of affect, but he pressed on regardless. They were running out of time and after all he has heard, he was impressed by the fact Kyungsoo did not become a corrupted spirit of vengeance already. He thought he understood, though. The ghost was trying to hold on to his humanity, for the sake of the good people that had lost their lives. He was working so hard, despite of being lost, of suffering and being so incredibly lonely. Baekhyun thought he felt the extent of the ghost’s pain, through their laced fingers earlier and now through their embrace. The pain, it was so unpleasant. It cut Baekhyun like a blade made of ice. But he didn’t want to let go either, because he was hoping while some of Kyungsoo’s pain leeched onto him, his happiness and faith in love could do the same to the ghost.

“Don’t give up, Kyungsoo.”

He really wanted to help this ghost.

“Listen.” He was abruptly pushed off.

The ghost was silent for a moment, as if searching for the right words. “Baekhyun.” He even used his name. “Thank you for trying to help me.” He looked at the sky, at the sliver of the moon that hung there. “But don’t come back tomorrow night.” It sounded like a plea less than the warning it was.

Baekhyun remained lying on his back against the grass long after the translucent figure had disappeared into the river. He couldn’t think. Couldn’t decide. He felt like a child who was told to move a rock, only to discover the rock was buried under a mountain.

xxx

Kyungsoo rested. The river gave him peace though at the same time, it froze him. Earlier, when Baekhyun embraced him, he did feel something that he wasn’t able to for a long time. Positivity, a great, suffocating amount of it. For a regular human, it might have been perfectly normal but for Kyungsoo, it was more than he could handle. So he pushed Baekhyun off and crawled back into the river where he belonged. Yet now that the source of kindness and light was gone, he rather wanted it back.

Along with that positive energy, memories came. Kyungsoo did not wish to look at first but he thought if he was sharing himself with the human, he was entitled to get some information back.

Baekhyun’s memories were full of good things. Supportive family, good friends and a caring boyfriend that later turned into husband. He had a career and was an artist acknowledged by the society. Considering how difficult it was for true artists to be noticed nowadays, Kyungsoo considered his human companion very fortunate. It was almost unfair how similar they were in many aspects of their lives, yet they had such different endings.

A quick sift through the human’s memories already had the ghost quite sickened. So when that little piece of unhappiness appeared, Kyungsoo latched onto it.

As sad as it was, the existence of that unhappiness comforted Kyungsoo. It proved that even for the happiest people in the world, not everything was perfect.

As one might have expected, Baekhyun’s unhappiness came from the person that gave him the most happiness. It happened while they were both in college, now a few years into their relationship. They were still going strong despite of everyone else’s predictions and were determined to get married after their education.

There were reasons why Byun Baekhyun and Park Chanyeol could stay together for so long – they had many common interests and few reasons to argue. Both of them were eager compromisers and both had too much love in their hearts to drag out a cold war. However, even with the best compromisers, there was a line. For Baekhyun, it was cheating. Chanyeol was the energetic type that rarely held grudges. His mind was simple back then and his sense of humor refreshing. Because of those qualities, people were easily drawn to him. He was constantly surrounded by friends of both genders.

While Baek would never tell him to distance from his friends, he still informed Chanyeol of his deal breaker one night.

“If you ever cheat on me, I’ll get really angry.” Straight forward and to the point. “And dump your sorry ass for someone who’d treat me better.”

Chanyeol was taken aback by the suddenness of this declaration but it didn’t take long at all for his goofy grin to return. “I won’t, I won’t!” He threw himself on top of his boyfriend and nuzzled him like an affectionate, oversized puppy. “No one can love you like I can.” A hint of mischief crept into his voice then. “ _Or_ fuck you like I can.” He casually grabbed Baekhyun’s ass and hauled him closer, full of blatant shamelessness. “Let’s have another round so I can prove this to you!”

As for Chanyeol’s deal breaker, it was distance.

It seemed strange for a guy who seemed so chill with everything to have a restriction like that, especially since it was one most of the population was alright with. Long-distance relationships worked out for some people and some even enjoyed the distance because they reduced the arguments and left couples with only longing for each other.

For Chanyeol, there was a personal scar. Or really, it was his father’s scar and he just inherited it.

Before meeting his mom, his dad had a girlfriend that was his sun and moon. They were so in love, so completely intoxicated with each other that everyone thought nothing short of death would do them apart. Yet it was not so. The girlfriend, due to family issues, had to return to her country for several years. She promised Chanyeol’s dad that they’d call every day and it’ll be as if she never left. Chanyeol’s dad agreed, of course, because true love knew no distance. He was stubborn about it.

They did call every day at first. Then slowly it turned into twice a week. Eventually a month would pass and they’d realize they forgot about calling.

It wasn’t like they didn’t love each other anymore. They were simply both busy, both wrapped up by their schedules and trying their best to dodge the curve balls life threw at them.

They loved each other more than anything, but distance pulled them apart. Now they recalled each other with sighs because of the missed potential.

Chanyeol’s parents were happy together, of course, but the girlfriend left a mark on Chanyeol’s dad’s heart. The deeper the love, the more it cut. That was the way of life.

So Chanyeol had decided he’d never go through that. He wanted love that burned like fire and once it could no longer be maintained, he’d rather dump a cold bucket of water on top to extinguish it completely. To watch it fade, slowly turn into ashes then blown away by the wind into nothing. No, that was unacceptable. He was selfish about it.

That was why when Baekhyun received invitation to attend an art school overseas that he always wanted, he quietly crumpled it up and threw it away. Between his dream and his lover, he chose Chanyeol, the stupidly cheerful idiot he could no longer imagine life without.

“Chanyeol, huh?” Kyungsoo’s voice was hollow as he extracted himself from Baekhyun’s memories. What an irritatingly bright name.

But maybe…

Maybe that was what he needed.

xxx

His thoughts were interrupted by ripples on the river surface.

Kyungsoo rose slowly from his resting place, eyes narrowing at the small figure seated on the grass. Bare feet, messy hair, it was Baekhyun just as how he arrived on the first night.

“I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t just leave you.” Baekhyun admitted. And he did try. He tossed and turned in his bed all night, restless. His heart was full of anxiousness, only this time it was not for Chanyeol but for Kyungsoo. He opened the window and saw the ghost there, floating in the middle of the river with his eyes directed towards the sky. The negative energy around the one he was beginning to think of as a friend was increasing, pressing in deeper with each passing hour.

So he ran out of the house again, before he could stop himself.

“Let me hear the rest of your story, Kyungsoo.” Baekhyun’s smile turned a little sad. “Let me try just once more. If nothing else, at least I will know how you died.” And try to find the _bastard_ that did it.

The ghost sighed. He drifted closer and took his place by Baekhyun’s side. “Maybe this is destiny,” he said.

Baekhyun was puzzled by this and quickly made his own assumption. “Destiny that we met?”

“Destiny that you can’t stay away.”

“Well.” Baekhyun made himself comfortable on the grass. “I am determined to help you. You have to _believe_ that I can, Kyungsoo.”

The ghost became very quiet and remained silent for a long time just as he did on the first night. Then he smiled – slow and beautiful, it was quite a sight to behold. “I believe you.”

That smile. That statement. They were worthy of all the efforts Baekhyun put in.

Together, these two dark haired young men – one living, one deceased – began their last night of story sharing by the riverside.

xxx

He locked him up in a room without doors or windows. The only exit was on the ceiling and Kyungsoo never found out where that path led to.

In summers, the room was hot and humid, to the point where he could barely breathe. In winters, it was freezing. Kai never brought him a heater and the only way Kyungsoo could get that warmth he desperately needed was to sacrifice his pride and crawl on top of his captor and his friend’s killer. He felt like a dirty whore, following Kai’s instructions. Filling his mouth with whatever the other wanted and not being able to spit out the filth that bastard left behind all for the sake of survival.

Ah, that pride. He had it for the first year. He forced himself to endure in order to live. Kyungsoo _had_ to keep breathing, so he could one day get out and get vengeance for all the people that had died. He told himself that over and over until it was entrenched into his being, inside his very identity.

His head remained in a haze for that entire first year. Kai wanted to keep him weak so he couldn’t escape or kill himself and had just enough consciousness to be entertaining. Kai wanted to watch his features twist in misery and pain. Wanted to see Kyungsoo’s tears and hear him scream when he fucked him raw. To deny his captor that satisfaction, Kyungsoo did try to resist at first. But it was pointless, one way or another, those sounds would come out. He was human, after all, and it hurt when Kai cut him. When he thrust savagely inside of him and tore open again the wounds that a single night failed to heal.

At least he was still an artist.

Instead of papers, he drew on himself. Kai allowed it sometimes and on those days he’d reduce the amount of drugs floating in Kyungsoo’s system. He might even hold Kyungsoo against his chest, the same way he did when he was Jongin and watch in fascination as the smaller male drew on himself with the knife. He praised Kyungsoo for his beautiful work and wiped away the blood that dripped onto the floor. Small but sharp, Kai was careful to stop Kyungsoo whenever the blade tip of those knives went too far into the flesh. Too many times Kyungsoo came close to dying, too many times he came close to escape.

Every time he was desperate for death, every time the light ebbed from his eyes, Kai would drag him up by the hair and whisper into his ears all the things he did and was still doing to his wife. He’d tell Kyungsoo how he cut Sehun into pieces and placed him into different dumpsters over the months. The thought of Sehun, the beloved younger brother of the group, chopped up and tossed carelessly with the trash…It set Kyungsoo’s heart on fire. That fire prevented him from actively looking for ways to die, just like Kai knew it would.

Over the years, Kai did many things to him. But the one thing he did not do was to take away what Kyungsoo hid inside of his right fist. They both knew what was in there and Kai found it amusing how his pet chose to hold on to _that_ of all things. He didn’t mind it, though. He allowed Kyungsoo to put it in a different hand if he needed the right. And if he needed both hands then he let Kyungsoo put his little secret in his mouth and keep it safe under his tongue.

He suggested once that perhaps he could cut Kyungsoo open and bury the button inside his flesh. That way, his beloved would never lose it.

By that point, Kyungsoo was so far gone that he considered the offer seriously for a moment. Eventually he shook his head. He didn’t want the button to have Kai’s fingers near it. He didn’t want the last piece of something innocent he had left become tainted by the psychopath’s insanity.

Though to be fair, Kyungsoo wasn’t sure if _he_ should even hold Sehun’s button anymore. Kai’s insanity was infectious and he was slowly drifting under. A few years in and Kyungsoo could no longer recall why he ate or why he drank. Why he breathed and why he obeyed. He just did, and the only thought he had in his mind was to survive. At some point, he couldn’t remember why anymore. He couldn’t remember the youth that made him want to survive either. Sehun’s smiling face was fading, and even his screams were too. He had no more words of encouragements for himself and no more tears to spare. Everything was disappearing, leaving Kyungsoo painfully empty.

One day, something new happened.

“My head hurts,” said Kyungsoo. That was the first time he spoke in days and Kai was quite pleasantly surprised.

“Your head?” Kai loosened the chains and let Kyungsoo collapse to the floor. He touched a bloody hand gently to the dark haired male’s temple. He didn’t hurt Kyungsoo in the head anywhere today. In fact, he hasn’t been doing anything in that general area at all. “How does it hurt? Tell me more.”

“It hurts!” Kyungsoo brought his hands to his temples and squeezed. He hasn’t given such a good reaction to pain for weeks now.

Kai stared, mildly horrified. He did not like this, did not like Kyungsoo suffering from pains he did not cause. For the first time in ages, he slipped painkillers in Kyungsoo’s mouth and let the other sleep fully clothed in a bed.

The next day, he brought Kyungsoo’s favorite foods. At first Kyungsoo didn’t want to eat, claiming that he was feeling ill. But Kai made him. He was always good at making Kyungsoo do things he didn’t want to. The entire dish of hot food went in and barely any time passed before the smaller male threw it all back up. “My head hurts,” he insisted.

From that day on, Kyungsoo stopped focusing on Kai. Instead, he focused on his new problem, the headache. He couldn’t eat and often fell asleep in the middle of their sessions. Even Kai’s hardest slaps could not rouse him.

He was dying, they both realized. And both were reluctant to acknowledge this fact.

Kyungsoo started forgetting. Every so often he’d wake up and ask Kai where they were and why he had bruises all over. Kai would explain and Kyungsoo would nod. Then next morning, ask the same question. Other days he’d remember some parts of his life and not the others. He’d smile to Kai and wave him closer, then fall against his chest from losing his balance. “Jongin, let’s go have a picnic by the river.”

Regardless of whether or not he wanted to, Kai was forced back into the role of Jongin sometimes.

He kissed Kyungsoo gentle again, though inside he wanted to tear the smaller male apart. But tearing apart Kyungsoo like this was pointless. He wouldn’t even realize who was doing it. That fact alone infuriated Kai. How dare he become like this? How dare he drift away from Kai’s absolute control?

Eventually that hate surfaced in Kai’s features and Kyungsoo, who happened to be clear minded that day, saw it. The one Kai had treated as a pet for years smiled, a hint of satisfaction behind those hollow eyes. “Looks like you lose this game, Kai. I am leaving you and there’s nothing you can do to stop me.”

 

A week after, Kyungsoo was let out of his room for the first time in years. He could not maintain his balance and had to be carried to the car. It was a different car, new and shiny, but Kyungsoo still felt Sehun on it. Kai rolled down their windows slightly so they could breathe better in the summer heat. “I smell him.” Kyungsoo’s eyes were shut as he leaned against the car door. “Sehun’s blood. You slit his throat and blood splattered everywhere. Warm against my eyelids. Dark against my skin.”

“Shh, baby.” A hand reached over and patted his hair. “We are almost there.”

Kyungsoo nodded and relaxed. He even fell asleep for a while, lulled by the soft car noises.

In a way, it was almost romantic. Kai brought him to the river where they admitted their love to each other. It was still so beautiful – the grass green, the river pale blue and the mountains dark in the background. It was a lovely place to die.

Kyungsoo knew this was coming. There was no way Kai would let him die first. He needed that control, needed that dominance over life and death. So of course, it’d be only fitting for him to kill Kyungsoo before the disease did. In a way, he supposed this was alright. He tried his best to survive, but fate had different plans. He tried, though. He really tried.

Kai sat down by Kyungsoo, eyes filled with undisguised hatred. He hated having been pushed into doing this.

Kyungsoo’s eyelids fluttered, he was falling asleep again.

Kai kissed him quickly – he discovered some times ago that this worked better than slaps and cuts – to wake him up and knew he had to get on with it.

“Still love me?” He pressed the other onto the grass.

Kyungsoo’s eyes shifted towards the sky, at the sliver of the moon still left hanging there. He had an answer, and Kai knew it. They were both waiting for him to say it but this time, he chose against speaking the complete truth. After all, all Kai had ever given him were lies, so why not give him a bit of his own?

“No.”

He took Kai’s hand, the one that held the knife.

“I hate you more than anything in this world.”

It was half truth, half lie.

 “See you in hell.”

It was ironic, but his captor shall set him free.

xxx

His soul refused to decay the way his corpse did. The river that had been so warm during the day was chilling during the night. _So cold…So cold. He felt like he was freezing. His heart was turning into ice_. Kyungsoo continued forgetting, continued wandering. But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t leave the river. Eventually he recalled hatred, and then he found anger. And now, because of this person called Baekhyun, he also remembered love.

“Feel free to hate me.” Kyungsoo had his fingers around the foolish human’s slender throat, applying just enough pressure to keep the other from screaming. Those pretty eyes stared back at him, filled with shock, confusion and terror of betrayal. He didn’t understand why Kyungsoo suddenly turned on him like this.

“The next life time is too far away. I don’t want to be lonely anymore.” He forced Baekhyun’s head into the river, letting the cold water run past the human’s nose and lips. The human struggled but a corrupted spirit’s strength was far beyond competition. Kyungsoo leaned over the river’s surface, locking gaze with the drowning man. “You said you would help me, didn’t you? I _warned_ you to not return, didn’t I?”

Everyone had to take responsibility for their own decisions.

Kyungsoo did not fault himself.

xxx

Chanyeol hummed along to the radio, well aware of the fact he was speeding. He decided to come home a couple of hours earlier, just to surprise his baby. Besides, Baek was acting a bit off lately and he was getting worried. Hopefully he was just concerned over nothing; after all, Baekhyun was usually quite capable of taking care of himself.

He parked the car and carefully sneaked into the door. He expected to see a well-lit house with Baekhyun in it, but instead, he was greeted with empty darkness.

Chanyeol’s heart pounded. Something was wrong, he could feel it.

He raced up the stairs and by chance, looked out the open bedroom window. Baekhyun was outside, looking as if he was being dragged towards the river. His baby was flailing and fighting, though nothing but air was his enemy. Chanyeol moved immediately, sprinting down the staircase faster than he ever did. By the time he rushed out, Baekhyun’s head was already in the water and his body was still.

“Please God, please.” He dipped his hands into the river – briefly shocked at how absolutely icy it felt – and pulled his beloved out.

He couldn’t exactly remember the standard process, but he managed to get the water out of Baekhyun’s stomach anyway. “Please be okay, please be okay. I will never leave you alone again!”

Thankfully, the small figure on his lap didn’t take long to stir. With relief and joy, Chanyeol cradled his Baekhyun against his chest and cupped his baby’s frigid cheeks. 

“So cold…” That was the first thing Baek said and in response, Chanyeol held him tighter.

“Let’s go inside.” Chanyeol carried Baekhyun in with promises of blankets and hot dinner, and then locked the door behind them.  

xxx

Baek didn’t speak for the rest of the night. He drank the soup Chanyeol made him and let his husband change him into warmer clothes. He didn’t talk to Chanyeol when he asked about what happened, looking like he was still in too much shock.

Chanyeol wanted to press, but in the end decided they could have the conversation tomorrow. So he just held Baekhyun the entire night, wrapped his arms and legs around the smaller male and told him that he’d never leave him anywhere again.

He fell asleep before Baekhyun, and the smaller male stared at him for some time after. Eventually Baekhyun slept too, curled up against Chanyeol’s chest like a cat where it was the warmest.

The next morning, they sat together at the breakfast table. Baekhyun was playing absently with the salt shaker when he discovered something shiny beside it. “What’s this?” He demanded with narrowed eyes.

Chanyeol placed the eggs and oatmeal down on the table and dutifully looked at the small dish beside the salt and pepper shakers, where he stored wrapped candies and other goodies. Baekhyun wasn’t looking at the shells or stones he found by the river and instead, he was pointing at a small, clear, round thing. Chanyeol picked it up and examined it, searching in his memory bank for when he grabbed this.

“Oh, I found this by the river the other day.” He smiled. “It’s just plastic but I don’t know, I guess I found it beautiful somehow.” He pressed the button into Baekhyun’s hand when the other reached out for it.

He returned to the kitchen without seeing how Baek’s shoulders shook. Something changed in the smaller male’s eyes, turning them softer.

That night, Baekhyun was back to normal. He sat Chanyeol down on the bed and said they had to talk. Then, before Chanyeol had any chance to prepare himself for all this seriousness, he started rambling on about ghosts. Chanyeol accidentally smiled and then he full on laughed.

Baek stared at him. “Why are you laughing?” When it was clear Chanyeol could not stop, he grabbed the closest object – which luckily for Chanyeol was a pillow – and beat his husband on the head with it.

“Aren’t we feeling feisty today~” Chanyeol’s hand was making its way deftly up Baekhyun’s shirt. He was deprived for long enough and he did promise to _beg_ on his knees for forgiveness on the telephone.

“No, listen!” Baekhyun insisted and the tone of his voice finally stopped Chanyeol from his casual touchy feely. “I’ve never told you because I was worried you’d stop loving me for it…But I can see ghosts. I really can. And on the night after you went to your business meeting, I met one by the river.”

They spent the next two hours talking and Chanyeol’s expression grew more and more serious.

“Kim Jongin, did you say?” He asked once he heard the entire story.

“Yes, do you know of him?” Baekhyun asked, wrapping a blanket around his shoulders because he was still feeling cold. “Even though Kyungsoo tried to kill me, I thought maybe I could still…Help him get his justice.”

Chanyeol pecked Baekhyun’s forehead. Too compassionate for his own good. To have so much empathy still after the ghost tried to murder him, his Baekhyun really was the kindest person he knew. Chanyeol personally wouldn’t have been capable of it. He was far more selfish and to be honest, didn’t want to help the ghost at all after what he had attempted to do. What if he was back a little later? What if he was slower? His Baekhyun might be gone forever, taken away by that damned ghost as fellow dead companion to cure his fucking loneliness.  

Still, he supposed the other innocents in the ghost’s story deserved justice.

“I believe he was at the business meeting. With his new wife.” Chanyeol flipped through his phone for a picture. “I don’t know if the ghost told you what he looked like, but here, do you think this is him?” The phone was passed into Baekhyun’s waiting hands.

The smaller male drew a deep breath before responding. “Yeah, that’s him.”

“We will gather some information then. See if this Kyungsoo’s story is true.” Chanyeol tucked his phone away and gave Baekhyun his full attention once again.

“Thank you.” Baekhyun leaned in and kissed him, gentle peck on the lips. Chanyeol captured those lips before they could escape and pulled Baekhyun closer to deepen the kiss. “Remember my promise?”

The curve of his lips could be felt through his skin. Baekhyun nodded, tipping his head back to grant Chanyeol access to his neck. “Yeol, can we go home early this year?” He kicked the blanket off of himself. He didn’t need it for warmth when Chanyeol was in the room with him. “After what happened…I am scared. I don’t want to be here anymore.”

Chanyeol’s lips paused for a moment before continuing enthusiastically. “Of course, we don’t have to come back here ever again if you didn’t want to.” He understood. Baek thought of that Kyungsoo as a friend and this was a betrayal unlike anything else he experienced. Their parents would understand too.

“Then let’s never come back here again.” Baekhyun dug his fingers into Chanyeol’s hair as the kisses dipped lower. “ _Never ever_.”

* * *

 

**HAPPY END**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the happy ending. True ending is next chapter.   
> If you like happy things, then don't continue.  
> You've been warned.


	3. True Ending

The windows were shut for the first time in three nights.

The room was pitch-black, but next to the windows moonlight lingered and Chanyeol’s features were illuminated to perfection.

Baekhyun’s heart raced at his husband’s handsomeness. He watched those bright eyes burn with love and felt desire rising in the pit of his stomach. He wanted to hold him, touch him, press his ears against Chanyeol’s heart and let those steady beats reassure him that everything was alright.

But everything was not fine.

His husband was touching his chest, arms wrapped around his waist, but Baekhyun felt none of it because that body was no longer his to control. It was taken, stolen, _robbed_. He could do nothing but watch as Chanyeol slammed that body against the window and showered it in kisses and licks, nips and bites. Anger burned as he watched the one who had stolen his body hold on to Chanyeol’s shoulder, pulling him closer. He had his legs around Chanyeol’s hips, Baekhyun realized. Their hot breaths were fogging the window, Baekhyun noticed. Chanyeol leaned his lips over not-Baekhyun’s ears, whispering words of love and devotion as he pushed deep into that man with a single hard thrust. Baek knew exactly what he would be saying and if he closed his eyes now, he could still remember the words.

But that was all he had, a _memory_.

“Chanyeol!!” He screamed in despair. “I am right here. Look at me! _Chanyeol_!!!”

Not even a bird was roused from its branch. The night was silent but for the whistle of wind.

The only one that could hear him was the one who had stolen his body and inherited his ghost communication skill. Baekhyun watched not-himself turn briefly towards the window to look at him. Their gazes met for barely a second before just as quickly, the one named Kyungsoo looked away in absent dismissal. Curving his lips, Kyungsoo returned to his full attention to the lover he had stolen and drowned in the pleasures that didn’t belong to him.

Baekhyun broke down in tears, shoulders shaking as the river pulled him back under. His tears fell against his lips and he collected them with a single sweep of his tongue.

There was no taste. Those senses were gone, along with other things that he found far more precious.

 

They woke up early next morning to pack. Chanyeol busied himself loading the car and Kyungsoo took some time to say goodbye to the river. He sat down where he and Baekhyun were just two nights ago.The sun was bright and the river was silent, but perhaps it was better for them both this way. “You are right, there are still trustworthy people out here. Perhaps I won’t love him like I loved Jongin, but I can… _Try_.” Just like Baekhyun suggested. Memories were powerful things that could change a person. Kyungsoo read Baekhyun’s memories in detail during the day he did not speak to Chanyeol and thought he understood. These two really had a great relationship, it was no wonder others envied them for it. Through those memories, he was also able to determine Chanyeol was _safe_. After all, Baekhyun spent ten years testing him. 

And that moment when Chanyeol gave him the button and told him he found the broken, cheap plastic little thing beautiful…Kyungsoo felt a splash of...Something. The same feeling he received when he felt Chanyeol pulling him out of the river that night. Perhaps it was some sort of imprinting, but the thought of being with Chanyeol did not make him unhappy. Those bright smiles might warm his heart one day, the way the sun did to his river. Sometimes with these things, you needed to take a chance, and Kyungsoo decided he was willing.

“Next life time is too far away and I don't want to be lonely anymore,” he said, repeating the words he spoke last night. “Revenge.” He squeezed the plastic button in his hand. “And happiness.” He directed his eyes towards Chanyeol. “I will have them both.”

“Thank you for restoring my faith in love,” he said. “And my apologies for stealing yours.” He gave a light bow to the river and to the one who had graciously helped him. He truly thought Baekhyun wouldn't be able to do it when they first met but difficult tasks weren't impossible. All one needed was a little faith and to pay the right price. Baekhyun likely paid a price heavier than he intended, but that...As cruel as it may sound, was no longer Kyungsoo's problem.  

He turned away and joined Chanyeol by the car and was surprised to find the other standing with a frown instead of his usual grin.

“What’s wrong?” Kyungsoo asked, taking Chanyeol’s hand.

Baekhyun’s – or rather, _his_ husband was looking at the river, his expression unreadable. “I just never knew I loved this place so much, you know?” Chanyeol squeezed Kyungsoo’s hand. “The thought of leaving it forever actually…Puts a dull ache right here.” He was tapping against his heart. ‘Sorry baby, I know I am acting strange.”

But he wasn’t. The bond of soulmates was strong.

Stronger than Kyungsoo had expected.

The memory about Chanyeol and his boundary being distance was still fresh in Kyungsoo’s mind, however, which was precisely why they should never come back here again. Kyungsoo knew he wouldn’t be able to keep himself Baekhyun forever. Even the best actors faltered and he would be no different. But he could keep this up for quite some time. A year perhaps, two maybe. Then he’d slowly start slipping his true self in, giving time for his husband to adjust to it. By then, Kai would be in jail where he belonged and he’d have a place in Chanyeol’s heart despite of not being his soulmate.

Then, if Chanyeol ever asked questions and demanded answers, Kyungsoo would turn and ask him the same question Kai asked him years ago.

“Do you want the truth or do you want me?”

He was confident Chanyeol would choose correctly, since unlike Kai, he will be trying to give Chanyeol genuine affection. By then, maybe they’d have another house far more beautiful than this one. Possibly adopted daughters who were chubby and sweet as they walked on their unsteady toddler legs. Chanyeol’s love for Baekhyun was strong, but just as his father chose his mother, he’d choose Kyungsoo who was close instead of a mere lost spirit far, far away from here. At least, that was what Kyungsoo expected.

Look at that, he was becoming the very thing he despised, making people choose between truths and lies.

Ah well, this was a world where good people were punished and bad guys won. Look at the wife and look at Sehun. Even poor Baekhyun. Kindness was dangerous and empathy was a blade that only cut those who possessed it instead of the enemies. Better to become a villain. 

People could point their fingers at Kyungsoo in accusation all they want, but in the end, there were questions they should ask themselves.

Wouldn't you do the same?

Was compassion more important than the warm body next to you in bed? Was morality so important you'd sacrifice all of your happiness for it?

What's your answer? 

Did you lie? 

How much honesty can we truly afford before our sanities shattered? 

Those were the questions, weren't they?

"Let's go." Kyungsoo said, pulling Chanyeol behind him. "And goodbye." 

The river surface remained peaceful, despite of a ghost's wails

* * *

 

**TRUE END**

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on AFF.  
> http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1161089/thank-you-for-restoring-my-faith-in-love-angst-chansoo-baekyeol-kaisoo-baeksoo  
> Deliberating sequel. Don't know if it's necessary though.  
> Leave me comments? c:


End file.
